October 11

It's almost October 12, 2025, in about 10 minutes. It will be the anniversary of my horse accident during a barrel race. A year is a long time to get a doctor to agree that something was definitely wrong. I know my body. Finally found an outstanding doctor at Kansas University at the spine center. A little over a month out of surgery and I can feel the difference.  Almost no pain meds, that's a miracle because I've been on them for my back for about 10 years. No withdrawals at all. I am down to 2 pain pills a day from 6 to 8 a day. On bad days I still need 3 of them but it's still a far cry from what I was taking. Still in my back brace, well most times. Sometimes I do not wear it when I'm outside which is when I'm suppose to be wearing it. All in all I'm honestly feeling really good. Just need to be able to ride again. Tried but a short ride resulted in significant pain. I was not wearing my brace. 

It's 12:01 a.m. now so technically it's now the 12th. Saturday was the buckle blowout show, I did not attend.  I really didn't want to. Over coming this last accident will take a while. This is my 2nd severe accident.  On 7/7/2007 I bailed off a mare I had been riding, landed under her after freeing myself from being caught up. It lacerated my liver, no surgery needed, but took me months to heal, sleeping in my recliner. Both of her back hooves came down on my mid section. Took me years to get out of my head and ride again. I still have the horse that got my back to riding. I have a feeling I'm facing that again. I'm trying not to but I did finally get back to training and riding but everything,  the "what if's" still scare me, now I fear I will be back to square one. 

I don't trust any trainers here, to many bad reviews and out comes. That's why I just do it myself. I also think it's important I do the training because they are closer to me and haven't had a bucker yet. Knock on wood. 

I am currently working on my demons. Work in progress. 

I honestly think my Lena bred colt will be easy. He's pretty attached to me. 

Well it's late, took all my meds because it's been a rough pain day so off to bed. 

Goodnight friends.  

October 9th already

Doing a lot better day by day. I did over do it yesterday but we were gone a good part of the day. Remy got neutered yesterday,  went to hospital to see Chelsea, we went to a couple thrift stores to just do something, went to Sam's Club since we were in Liberty.  I was getting a little ouchy by the time we had to go get Remy from the vet. Came home with him and he was so doped up I held him for like 7 hours, gave him water with a syringe and gave him some raw honey because his gums were white. It helped right away. He did eat some food and started drinking out of the water bowl finally. Today it's like he never had surgery.  He's back to running around.  

Today stayed at home. Took a nap, had nightmare, woke up more tired than I was. 

Oct 3, 2025

Well today has been a super good day as far as pain goes. Did a lot of walking today, hyvee, walmart, Sams club. Went all the way to Liberty. By the end of it all I was sore where I had that small incision in my butt cheek. I need to ask if they did a bone graft. I think they did. Today has been my best day so far. Still grounded from driving until I see the Dr on the 14th. Still trying to figure out a way to not go back to work at all. Hah hah won't happen. 

I could have probably ridden today but I'm a little afraid 😨.  I want time with Dakota and Wrangler.  I want to being in Royal and start riding her again. Work with the babies. Still have to take it easy though. My balance is much better since my back is fixed. I haven't fallen since my surgery.  Has to be a record for me. Lol. Truthfully though. 

I'm trying to get off the pain meds completely. Ive been on them for at least 8 to 10 years. No addiction issues though. It just don't do anything for me. No high just makes me tired. 

Healing Update

It's October 2, 2025 and my doctors appointment is the 14th. Less than 2 weeks away and I still have my bad hurting days. I don't know what will happen if he doesn't release me to go back to work. I'm trying to get along without the pain meds, have cut way back, and muscle relaxers.