October 11

It's almost October 12, 2025, in about 10 minutes. It will be the anniversary of my horse accident during a barrel race. A year is a long time to get a doctor to agree that something was definitely wrong. I know my body. Finally found an outstanding doctor at Kansas University at the spine center. A little over a month out of surgery and I can feel the difference.  Almost no pain meds, that's a miracle because I've been on them for my back for about 10 years. No withdrawals at all. I am down to 2 pain pills a day from 6 to 8 a day. On bad days I still need 3 of them but it's still a far cry from what I was taking. Still in my back brace, well most times. Sometimes I do not wear it when I'm outside which is when I'm suppose to be wearing it. All in all I'm honestly feeling really good. Just need to be able to ride again. Tried but a short ride resulted in significant pain. I was not wearing my brace. 

It's 12:01 a.m. now so technically it's now the 12th. Saturday was the buckle blowout show, I did not attend.  I really didn't want to. Over coming this last accident will take a while. This is my 2nd severe accident.  On 7/7/2007 I bailed off a mare I had been riding, landed under her after freeing myself from being caught up. It lacerated my liver, no surgery needed, but took me months to heal, sleeping in my recliner. Both of her back hooves came down on my mid section. Took me years to get out of my head and ride again. I still have the horse that got my back to riding. I have a feeling I'm facing that again. I'm trying not to but I did finally get back to training and riding but everything,  the "what if's" still scare me, now I fear I will be back to square one. 

I don't trust any trainers here, to many bad reviews and out comes. That's why I just do it myself. I also think it's important I do the training because they are closer to me and haven't had a bucker yet. Knock on wood. 

I am currently working on my demons. Work in progress. 

I honestly think my Lena bred colt will be easy. He's pretty attached to me. 

Well it's late, took all my meds because it's been a rough pain day so off to bed. 

Goodnight friends.