I took a few pics of the old woman today. She still looks great. She's 30ish and takes a lot more to keep in good shape but she is a family member. We've had her 20 some odd years now. Hope she'll be with us for many more. She's healthy happy and feeling good.
Today Amanda went for a helicopter ride over the Grand Canyon. Thank you Matt for being so good to our girl.
Amanda is doing so much better and is looking so much better. I hope to GOD it continues on this path. It's a good path. I hope the good spirits keep guiding her in the right direction.
My life would be missing a huge part without her. I'd never be the same ever.
My heart still hurts but it's healing slowly. Each day I get a text or hear her voice it one more day I have her. How I wish I could take her and hold her again like when she was a baby or just hug her now. She has no clue the love this mother has for her daughter. My sweet beautiful daughter. What more can I say other than please stay and hold my hand as I grow old baby girl.
She'll never see this as she doesn't know about this blog but I love you to the moon and stars and back. I'm here for you.
Amanda is doing great. I talk to her almost daily. She sounds better and is looking better too. It's nice to hear her sound like her. This was heart breaking times a million. One day at a time, just one day at a time.
Took a picture break
Life interrupted is an understatement.
I'm fortunate that my baby girl is still alive. She has been released now from both hospitals and will be continuing with counseling and seeing doctors. It will be 90 days before it's all out of her system and the doctor said she should be back to 90 percent. But in all honesty it's a wait and see. Her short term memory is affected. Do I still silently ask why? Sure I do. I'm her mom. Do I fear she'll try again, absolutely. It's hard. I don't know how to deal with this to be honest.
I do appreciate the ones who've reached out to me. It means a lot. It's getting easier but still gonna take a while. You can't imagine seeing your child in ICU with a machine breathing for her, them testing her to see if she can do it on her own, waiting 3 days each day praying she can come off it, knowing each day she doesn't is a little closer to possibly never coming off. Try talking to her and seeing a tear run down her face because she knows you're there but can't do anything and later doesn't remember you being there each and every day. She has to have help buttoning and zipping her pants, she can't drive right now. I'm beyond grateful she's still alive. I have to find a place to put all these horrible memories, lock them away. It's so hard to understand unless you've been through it.
I'm exhausted. Yes it's for sure life interrupted.
Amanda died.....yes died, multiple times....they don't know shy she survived. She was down for all night long till noon the next day. Everyone thought she was sleeping. Anje couldn't wake her up. She was lifeless. Yes I'm blunt, yes it's the truth, yes it was bad that her 16 year old daughter found her. But it's what saved her, and the dog. The dog was whining. Yes I've repeated some things. Maybe if this saves one person it will be worth the repeat. Nothing in life is so bad that you have to resort to this. They honestly don't know how or why she survived. In a way it brought our family closer, in a way not.
More later....
Soo.......time to get very serious for a while now. So let's talk about a subject that I never thought I'd have to talk about, something I never thought would touch my family, something no one ever thinks will touch their family. Suicide. It's an ugly word. Something no mother, father, brother, sister or anyone should have to face. It leaves scars on everyone. I was the lucky mother that didn't have to sit by a coffin being lowered into a grave. Not this time. She did die, several times, but they got her back every time. It's still very hard to talk about so I've resorted to writing. Nothing is worth taking your life, tearing up your loved ones, leaving them to pick up the pieces. The doctors don't know why she didn't die. They've told her that. She has damage to her hands from being down so long, numbness in her hands. She will have to work with her hands to get them back again then it will only be 90 %.
Everyone thinks it will never happen to them. Wrong....it happens to anyone. Suicide doesn't discriminate. My daughter was well cared for, raised by a mom that loved her more than life. Never wanted for anything. Was a beautiful happy little girl. Her life didn't suck.
To be continued........
